As I begin to write this post as we approach my mom's birthday my hands shake and my eyes quiver as this very well could be the last birthday we see my beautiful mom in Earthly form. Yet, I find myself holding back any sadness because no matter the circumstance I still get to have a good day thinking about her, talking with her, and soon celebrating her. Although emotions teeter-totter as my mom is battling stage 4 cancer and is in hospice, it is totally fine to still be happy. As she transitions into a medical bed this weekend none of that erases the devoted years of sacrifice and love she gave to me. No one post, poem, gift, or gesture amounts to the commitment it takes to be a single mother, but I would be wrong if I did not find joy in the midst of this, that our good Lord chose her to be my mom. Uniquely set aside just for Mark Warren!
Looking back over the near 40 years, I have many memories—more memories than we have photos, because growing up we didn't have money for much extra. When I think back on these special moments seared in my memory and clear as day, that is what knits us together, the long trips to basketball camps, time spent in the kitchen watching you cook, all the time spent cleaning the church, I’m struck by your presence most of all even if you feel fragile and small in this battle. You are the most committed mom and faithful woman I know. You attended every school function, football-basketball- and baseball game, even a choir concert where I couldn't keep a tune to save the family name. You cried with pride at every graduation. You celebrated every accomplishment like it was the greatest thing since discovering Andy's ice cream, which did wonders for a boys trying to make sense of confidence asking each day why my dad never wanted to see it all. Somehow calmy you remained the same never once uttering a bad thing about him just guiding me on my way.
No one I know has a deeper commitment to Christ, even in the raging seas of trails. I am constantly in awe of your strength and faith. Everything, everything you’ve done for sis and I, then Craig and Emily, followed by Scott, Nicholas, Marcus, John, Dante, Melody, Myles, and Ryker has all been in love. You’ve always made it clear that you take the most joy out pf your faith in us, that you delight in us, that you love to just be near us simply because we’re your children or grandchildren. And in doing so, even before we were Christians, you demonstrated for me the tender heart and the parental love of God the Father by not aborting me in the most tough situation that could arise. My understanding of the all-consuming love of a parent, the kind of love God has for us, I have because of you. I know such love as a father now, and I know that it is hard to reflect such a love that Jesus has for us and you displayed for me, however, I try and show it to both boys from a legacy that you passed to me. You’ve had more than your share of troubles and trials in life, and you’ve showed me what it means to not be so firm that you crack in half under pressure, nor so fragile that the storm washes you away. You’re that rare blend of gracious strength that bends and withstands the fierce winds and thunderous waves. Your roots are so deep in Christ that even when shaken, you can’t be moved. I will never stop being impressed that you have let these trials grow you into an oak tree, a pillar of strength and a fortress for your family. Those roots have developed wisdom. And that my mom is what I will miss the most. Knowing one text or phone call away is your voice with the perfect scripture, prayer, or even blunt honesty that I need to hear.
Mom you have always encouraged me to follow my dreams and to seek adventure. You spent money on my hobbies and passions before ever clothing or feeding yourself. As a result, I am an over the top Dawg fan, constant traveler, barbecue nut, and somehow have the closest thing to you in a Proverbs 31 wife. Besides my own salvation she is the greatest thing to ever happen to your son and twin grandsons. That is why when it is time for you to take that last breath I am in great hands. She may not be the best cook, I may not yell to her like I did to you, " Ma the meatloaf " or " What ya doing Ol' Hag " and she may not banter back to me " you jerk " but she is the reason I know everyday I will get to see you when you pass away. She has your heart, devotion, commitment to christ, and she puts her family way before her own needs. For this thank you first for showing me what a Godly wife truly is and how it lasts.
Gram Gram, you are pure joy. My life has been uniquely abundant and beautiful, and I have been loved and treasured by being your son. I look forward to the future with confidence and anticipation, for my kids and your grandbabies to learn from you no matter how much more time exists, no matter the outcome the next generation will know. Intimately as they will be raised by someone just like you. If I knew of another expression that would be higher compared to Mt. Everest I'd use it, but nonetheless Ol' Hag I love You, Happy birthday, and I am grateful God picked you as mom.
Kindergartners are wild. Imagine fighting anyone over free food and naps??
Twins: I love you
Me: I love you guys too!
Twins: We were talking to our donut
Came downstairs yesterday and one twin said look I made my brother and I breakfast…..Points out two opened popsicle wrappers!!
Twins spotted “Angels in the Outfield” on Disney and asked about it. Umm, it’s smash that play button and don’t plan on bedtime being enforced tonight because I’m about to introduce you to a real gem!!
Twin A: Dad carry me
Me: oof you're getting big
Twin B: oof you're getting old
me: 😒
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